Campfire Symphony

The crackle of the fire adds percussion to a symphony of crickets and frogs and other unseen creatures in the night. Its red, orange, and yellow tongues taste the sky, seeking something to devour. Fireflies attempt to mimic its brightness and movement beneath a gorgeous array of stars. The campfire is my favorite part of camping. I love everything about it, from the challenge of getting it started, to toasting marshmallows over it, to sitting next to it for warmth as the sun goes down. I can sit and watch the flames dance for hours. For someone with a short attention span like me, that is saying a lot.

I've always worried too much about what people think of me. I'm sure everyone has their moments of insecurity and self-doubt. I don't like to give my opinion, in case it's "wrong', even in a matter of style or musical taste. Just recently I decided I like a singer I just heard for the first time. After asking several people and seeing someone's comment about this singer on facebook, I realized I'm not supposed to like this one. I don't talk about it much anymore. I would have thought I'd outgrow that mentality by now.

I have a new friend named Chrissy. She could care less what people think of her and it makes her one of the most fascinating people I know! Why can't I be more like that? She doesn't try to fit into anyone's mold and she doesn't demand that anyone fit into her mold to be around her. She accepts her friends just the way they are.

I'm taking steps to own what is mine. My personality. My opinions. My feelings. I might share them but they won't be taken from me. They are mine. It shouldn't matter what other people think. Yet I can't tell you how many times I have edited this particular post, for fear of what others might think. I guess I still have a long way to go.

I knew this wasn't finished. I knew there was something else I wanted to say but I didn't know what it was. That's because it hadn't happened yet. This morning at boot camp I had to set aside what others might think of me and stand up for myself. I was called out for being on my knees during push ups. The instructor knows I am capable of more than I was giving and that I could be intimidated into giving my best effort. But today, because of severe back pain, my best effort didn't look like much. I didn't keep silent and I didn't cower. I spoke up in my own defense, and felt stronger for it. Inside, where it counts.