Invisible

I lay quietly in the tent, listening to the steady breathing of my family, my heartbeat refusing to calm down. A noise outside had startled me awake and I was straining to hear, and identify, what the sound might be. It was footsteps - big ones. I could hear something grunting or snorting, which sent chills down my spine. I lay frozen and frightened but I knew I would not sleep again until I checked it out. Terrified, I slowly and quietly unzipped the tent and chanced a peek out into the darkness. I saw movement to the right, behind some trees, and suddenly regretted having a site on the outside ring of the campground. It was big. It was black. Holy @#$&, it had to be a bear! The next morning, with a mixture of relief and embarrassment, I watched the black cows on the other side of the fence that ran beside our tent.

I think it would be fantastic to have an invisibility cloak. I wouldn't use it for anything bad. It's just that I sometimes wish I could go about my business without being noticed. I feel socially awkward sometimes, when someone greets me and I say hi and they keep staring. What am I supposed to do next? I get really uncomfortable. I can think of a couple of people off the top of my head who do this and I don't understand it. Am I missing some cue here? I'm not good at small talk so I hope that's not what's expected. So if I seem unresponsive to the expectant stare, or look away quickly, it's not you. It's just that I'm trying to figure out if I should start singing or burst into flames.

That cloak would be super handy at social gatherings. At our last employee Christmas party, I had to work until the time it started and then drive the 20 minutes to the restaurant. I hated knowing that I would be walking into a crowded room, even though these are people I work with every day. These same people threw a little surprise party for my (expletive deleted)-th birthday and I wanted to sink right into the floor! Odd confession coming from someone who loves to act in stage dramas, isn't it?

It's different being on stage. Acting is very much like wearing an invisibility cloak. You get to be someone else. I find freedom in that and I miss it a lot. I used to act quite a bit in our church drama group. I wrote plays too. It was a very fulfilling time. I felt like I was doing something important and meaningful. I won't get into how that ended. I'm still a little bitter about it. I feel free to say that here, invisible behind my keyboard.