Red Fox

It was early morning and a bit foggy the day I saw the fox. I was taking a walk before work at Fischer's Park, trying to get in some exercise in my pre-DDIP days, when 7-ish seemed super early. I was on the back path, along the creek, moving at a pretty good pace and enjoying the solitude when I saw it coming directly toward me. I stopped in my tracks and considered whether I should make some noise, run, or take a picture with my phone. A part of me was greatly concerned that it may be rabid, since it didn't seem bothered by my presence. I waited. The fox finally noticed me when it was about 10 yards away, and suddenly dashed away into the woods. Apparently it was just a fox on a mission, and was too focused on his goal to see a potential obstacle.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I really don't enjoy running. Not at all. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get from running. I'm enjoying the physical benefits I'm getting from the practice. But I wouldn't say I actually like to do it. I'm doing it because I want something out of it. I want to get in better shape. I want to have more endurance and strength. I want the finish-line-euphoria I will have the end of next month when I complete a half marathon.

Today I ran before boot camp, and it was the first day since I started training that I ran alone. It was a trial. The air was so hot and still, it felt like I was tightly wrapped up in plastic. There were no stars, no moon that I could see, no street lights in most areas. The only illumination I had was a tiny flashlight on my key chain. I was nervous. I tried listening to my ipod but without benefit of both sight and hearing, I felt vulnerable. I felt blind. I didn't make good time on this run. I walked quite a bit of it, in fact, but I didn't let it get me down. I was still proud that I got up and made the effort. I'm on a mission.

I've been running with different people at different times. I don't want anyone to feel responsible for making sure I meet this goal. This is my quest and it's up to me to make it happen. I knew before I left the house that I would likely be on my own this time, and that this would be the biggest exercise in discipline that I have faced so far in this training. Even though I went slower, it feels like success.

Discipline comes from the inside. It's that declaration that you want something, and you'll do whatever it takes to achieve it - you'll face every obstacle, you'll persevere when you don't feel like it, and you'll push through when it isn't fun, because the thing you want out of it in the end is worth it all.

People in DDIP have a lot of goals. This session I have a big goal. I've shared it with a few people, not because I want them to hold me accountable, but because I know that once I've said it, they will be watching to see what I am doing to reach it. And knowing they are watching will push me more than any words they say ever could. Actions speak. And this session I'm talking.