The little bunny hopped out in front of us as we were running along the paved path. Quickly realizing its mistake, it took off at full speed - in the same direction we were going. For quite a while we followed it like greyhounds on a race track. It was comical to see it dart left and right, clearly hoping to lose us, before it finally learned that the way to end the pursuit was to hop off the path and into the grass. That image still makes me smile two weeks later. I suppose even animals have to figure things out sometimes.
I was scheduled to run eleven miles today, according to the training plan I'm following. I was graciously invited to join a running group at 5:00 a.m., which was exciting because this group consisted of those I consider to be the big leagues - the elite. These are the serious runners who do it just because they want to, even when there is no race to train for.
The plan was to run a six-mile loop twice. This was where it all went wrong before I even arrived. I made the conscious decision - and even said it aloud - that if I get too close to my car halfway through my run, I wouldn't finish it. I've said it before. I distinctly remember making that statement three weeks ago when I ran around Lake Galena. Way to psych myself out right off the bat. Lesson learned.
As a matter of fact, I'm learning a lot more than just how to run 13 miles. I fully expected this training to build my endurance and help me learn how to breathe, how to pace myself, etc. What I didn't realize was that, because so much of running is mental, I'm training my brain as well. I'm learning how to get started even if I don't feel like it and how to remember that I will regret more what I don't do, than what I do.
I'm learning where I do my best running. I've done well the past two weeks on that paved trail. I enjoy the scenery, and the possibility of seeing wildlife, and the relative seclusion and space. Today I realized that I am not in any way an urban runner. Even between 5:00 and 6:00 a.m., there was traffic as we ran along the road. This became a huge challenge for me. Every time a car passed, I had an overwhelming desire to stop and wait for it to go by. Every time there were headlights coming toward me, I felt anxiety. I walked more than I wanted to.
I think the biggest lesson today was that I am learning how to listen to my body. I got out of bed with the wrong mindset, that is true. But even physically, I was just not feeling it today. I felt heavy. I forgot to use my inhaler before we started, so I was feeling a little tightness in my chest. I was getting a little cramp in my side. Long before the first loop was done, I grew tired of hearing my own complaining, and I was feeling guilty for subjecting my running buddy to it. She was having a really good run and I was struggling to keep my negativity out of it.
It wasn't as tough a decision as you might think to stop when we finished the first loop. It was easy, but the guilt was hard. I felt like people would question my commitment to my training plan, and worse, that they might think I never really did run ten miles last week and ten miles the week before. But who am I doing this for? Nobody needs me to run a half marathon. This is something I want to do and, just as no one else is responsible for getting me to my goal, I am not responsible for satisfying anyone else's expectations of me. This is my quest.
I came home and, after second-guessing my decision and fretting over what people thought for a while, I took a two-hour nap. This was confirmation that my body was telling me to rest. I am never able to sleep during the day unless I'm really sick. Over the past two weeks, I've been running four days a week and doing DDIP three days a week. Two of those days, I'm doing both - one right after the other. Today I did half my goal. I never thought I'd be disappointed in myself for only running five miles. A year ago I couldn't even go that far! It wasn't the decision I wanted to make, stopping after the first loop. But I firmly believe it was the right decision. Rest is part of fitness. I am looking forward to next week. I'll be running twelve miles.
Very inspiring words Stoney! You're completely right about learning more about yourself and the mental aspect of running. I learn more and more with each run I do and the main thing is to never give up altogether! (breaks and days off don't count because they are needed and it's all about listening to your body like you said.) If you are planning on the 12 miles next saturday morning please let me know because I would love to run that with you! Preferably a 5AM start if you can! Let me know and keep up the awesome work :-)
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