As we ran along the trail, KC and I saw a beautiful blue heron standing in the water. It was patiently waiting, barely moving. I don't know much about blue herons and their social patterns, but I found it particularly striking that it needed no followers or leaders to be beautiful. It stood there looking confident and regal without any outside help.
I just dropped my daughter off for her first day of middle school. Even though she has an older brother and I've been through this transition with him, today has slapped me in the face with memories - probably because she's a girl like me. Unfortunately it's not the good memories washing over me, it's the ones I've tried to forget... the mean girls.
I feel like she's off to a better start than I was. She has a handful of really good friends to hang around with and a measure of self-confidence that I never had at her age. She is well-liked by many people and has always made a positive impression on her teachers. I told her the other day that being popular is not nearly as important as being nice. If she is nice to people, they will want to be around her.
In my school there were a few girls who made life miserable. Looking back, I realize that it was their own insecurities that made them put others down. It was the only way they could feel superior and important. That knowledge does no good now and it would not have helped much then. Public humiliation at the hands of these girls made a marked impact on my life.
My high school reunion was a few years ago and I went. I will confess that the primary reason for going was not to see my close friends (they weren't going), but to be seen. I wanted to encounter those mean girls. I wanted them to see that they didn't damage me. That I turned out okay. And that I wasn't afraid of them anymore. Don't get me wrong - I was not looking for a confrontation, just satisfaction - and acceptance. Isn't it sad that even now, it mattered to me what they think?
The reunion was fun. I talked with people I hadn't seen in years and really enjoyed myself. I actually caught myself thinking, I wish I had gotten to know these people better in high school, we have a LOT in common!
As it turned out, I saw the mean girl I most wanted to see - my nemesis. I don't think she even knew I was there. I could see that she was still fighting for attention among her peers, being loud and somewhat obnoxious. I left the reunion feeling a sense of closure on that part of my life. No more would I allow someone to make me feel inferior based on what I wear, where I shop, who I spend time with, what music I like...
So, after dropping my daughter off at school today, I wondered what I can do to help her get through school with her confidence intact. I want to make sure she knows that her value does not depend on what other people think, but on who she already is. And mostly, I want her to know that, just because someone looks down on you, it doesn't mean you have to look up to them.
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