Searching...

I sat on a little mat next to the creek, watching the kids play in the water and my husband catching crayfish. It was hot, even in the shade, and felt very much like vacation. A long weekend works wonders. I picked up my phone to see if there were any text messages but there was no signal. The corner where it shows the bars displayed the word "searching..." I didn't mind. It was good to be away from technology, even if just a few hundred yards away. I leaned back and rested my head, closed my eyes, and absently stroked my dog's damp fur, as he rested next to me in the shade.

This is one of my faults: I try too hard to read between the lines. I try to find the subtext in what someone is saying. It is exhausting, searching for meaning that may or may not be there. I feel like I'm extremely sensitive to sarcasm. As well-disguised as one might think it is, I can assure you it's not lost on me. But sometimes I look for it where it might not be.

I really need to learn to take things at face value. Here's what that looks like: yesterday I sent a text to a friend. She never answered. Not until this morning. It never bothered me and I never wondered if she was upset with me, because I knew that she would tell me if there was a problem.

I need to apply that logic to every relationship. Maybe there is hidden meaning or subtext, but it's not my job to read minds. Frankly, I suck at it. My husband told me, when we first met, "a man is only as good a his word." That really stuck with me and I need to put it into practice now. If there is some hidden agenda to someone's words, that is their problem. Why should I make it mine?

Taking words at face value should really help conserve my emotional energy. Less time spent searching for hidden meaning, and worrying over every little word someone says, frees me up to read the signals people want me to read.

Like when the dear friend from yesterday said she is happy that I am in her life.