On the way to work yesterday I was treated to an awesome display of nature in action. A red-tailed hawk, wings lifted up and talons forward, dove toward its prey in the tall grass below. It was beautiful, spectacular, powerful, and fierce. I watched its descent with fascination, glad for the red light that gave me time to watch without incident. For me, it was art in motion. It captured my imagination and left me feeling very fortunate to have witnessed it. I'm sure its prey felt differently.
For several weeks, probably months, after my twins were born, I experienced an emotionally painful period of isolation. My husband had to work and I was home with two infants, a toddler, and a preschooler, wishing for someone to talk to. People would sometimes tell me, "I drove past your house today." It hurt, knowing the world was passing me by at 25-30 miles per hour outside my front door, while no one took the time to stop in.
They thought they were doing me a favor, letting me enjoy the time with my children without interruption. Not wanting to disturb me. But to me, it felt like abandonment. I didn't reach out to anyone either. I didn't want to be a burden or make someone feel obligated to keep me company. I felt like I had figured out "who my real friends are", and that there were none.
Knowing how that felt, I try to keep in touch with friends, especially if they seem like they are isolated or hurting. I'm not perfect at it, but I really try. Occasionally I'll send a message to someone just to let them know I'm thinking of them. That I'm still there. I've mentioned this before. I am not looking for a response, just taking the opportunity to encourage my friend.
Suddenly another scenario has been occupying my mind. And it has me second-guessing this approach... what if they think I'm stalking them??
Someone I know has been complaining about a friend who seems too interested in her. She calls her a stalker because the person keeps seeking her out. She has nicknamed this person her "BFF" but only in sarcasm. She wants to hide when she sees her coming.
Is there a fine line between a loyal friend and a stalker? I suppose it depends on the person on the receiving end. I saw a hawk attack as beautiful but its prey undoubtedly thought otherwise. Are my attempts at outreach beautiful - or unwelcome?
I think it's just always important to remember the different perspectives. The people driving by weren't trying to abandon you, they thought they were loving you and not wanting to bother you. BUT the perspectives were different. Just like the hawk for you that morning was beauty....when we see a Hawk at the Weigner house, every one yells and runs to protect the chickens. Perspective is different! :o) One of the things I'm trying to learn over these last few years and teach the girls is to assume the best even when everything feels like the worst! Peoples perspectives may be different!
ReplyDeletePS I'm sure you aren't a stalking friend either! :P