The Icy Outskirts

We used to keep our bedroom window open at night to hear the rushing water of the creek behind our cabin. Such a relaxing sound. There were no neighbors or traffic to disturb the peace and tranquility of that mountain home. In the winter, the windows were closed and the creek would start to freeze over. The shallow pools along the edges developed a thick slab of ice - enough to walk around on - and the moving water had to fight to get through small channels to keep moving. The closer the water came to the edge, the slower it became, and sometimes swirled around in the same area until it, too, froze in place, postponing its journey until the spring thaw.

Yesterday was our Manna Run at DDIP. The cold air was tough on my lungs and I had a coughing fit when we arrived at Manna on Main Street. Because of this I wasn't able to help pass the food down the chain. Drill noticed me hanging back and shouted "Stoney, why are you on the outskirts?"

We've been having a really good session so far, with challenging workouts and motivated people. Nobody knows exactly what the magic formula is that makes this one stand out so much but others have noticed it as well.

In my case, I feel like I have shaken off a heavy weight. My head is clearer and I feel more focused. I'm not out to prove anything this time around, just to get stronger. And I think, for me, the change has something to do with influence.

I won't go into detail but I think I can pinpoint where I took a wrong turn and let the influence of others draw me to the icy sidelines and slow me down. It was a gradual process, the swirling in circles until I dropped out mid-session to get my head on straight.

I had drifted to the outskirts and got caught up in a cycle of people-pleasing that distracted me from my focus. When will I ever learn? Even at my best, I do not have what it takes to make the whole world happy. 

Since the holidays, I feel like I have more confidence and a firmer grasp on who really plays active roles in my life and who draws me to the cold outskirts.

It feels like this is going to be a good year. A year of being who I am without apology. A year of challenging myself to new heights - such as the cargo net I mentioned in my last post. In case you were wondering, I have climbed all the way to the top several times now. And it's only January.